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Wednesday, February 27, 2013

The many hats of Jeni


As I’ve said before, I’m a mom, a wife, a daughter, a sister, a friend, and a volunteer. Oh, and a writer. Did I forget to mention that? Probably.

Life is a delicate game of Topple where I try to balance all of my jobs equally without letting the board spill, scattering all of the pieces all over my dirty hardwood floors. Yeah, dirty hardwoods.  Because I forgot I also am supposed to clean. Let’s not even talk about the chef hat that is buried somewhere beneath the frozen foods in my deep freezer.  I guess what I’m getting at is that on any given day I wear multiple hats. Some I can find easier than others and some I enjoy wearing more than others.   

I’ve recently added a nurse’s cap with taking care of my mom during her cancer battle, but as she says, “You were meant to be a writer and the only way you’re going to be a writer is to write, so get to it!” Needless to say, I’m not going to argue with my cancer-ridden mom (Her words, not mine. She’s getting really good at playing the ‘cancer’ card…) Far be it for me to upset her, so I’m taking some classes to help me along in the 'getting published' realm of things and I’m scheduling a week’s worth of writing at a time.

So far this week I’ve made what I like to think is progress. I finally got myself signed up with the Romance Writers of America, which was a goal of mine for a while that I kept postponing thinking I wasn’t ‘good-enough’ yet.  However, I have a finished short sitting here on my hard drive that begs to differ and I am about 10,000 words or less away from a full-length paranormal romance that agrees with the short. In the cliché way of thinking, it was more than time to shit or get off the pot (that gem is courtesy of my grandmother).  So today I bit the bullet, pulled the trigger, or whatever else sounds better than ‘got off my ass’ and did something that terrified me.  I joined a professional organization for writers. WOW!

Honestly, it feels like a weight I didn’t even know I had has finally been lifted off my shoulders. Once I finished a writing assignment for a class I’m taking, I will be completing a submission packet for my short.  My short that another publisher was interested in if I would consider making it a full-length.  So, I need to get over my horrible nerves and just suck it up and submit the darn thing.  Why?  To prove it to myself that it’s good?  Well, sure.  But also because the only way to go from being a writer that just writes to a writer that gets published, is to actually submit works for publication.  

Wish me luck, my friends, because this girl is planning on making it happen this year. As my mom keeps reminding me, she’s not gonna live forever and she really wants to see my name in print. (I told you she was getting good at playing that cancer card, didn’t I???  lol  )


Until next time-- Jeni

Sunday, February 24, 2013

Stupid Cancer

You may remember a while back me mentioning that my Mom had cancer.  In fact she had inflammatory breast cancer which is a rare form of breast cancer that is really aggressive.  Last May she was given a clean bill of health and sent on her merry way back to her "normal" life; work, friends, her house, etc.

This past October we all took a trip to Disney to celebrate her awesome accomplishment of kicking cancer's ass.  Only to find out a week later that it was back.  And that she was now considered to be terminal.

Stupid Cancer.

Just writing the words makes my heart sink all over again.  My Mom has cancer again and this time it will kill her.  And I'm supposed to find a way to be okay with it.  Which I am.  Some days.  Other days I'm not.  Other days I spend time trying to hide my tears and sadness as I wonder what I'll do when she's gone.  And as selfish as it sounds, she's my "person".  The one person I have in the whole world that has known me forever, loves my without question or conditions, and always has my back (even if I don't always deserve it).  I used to have more of these "people," but between cancer and heart disease those people have all moved on to the ether we call heaven.  I don't mean to be so doom and gloom for my first post in over 6 months, but sometimes you just have to get things off your chest ya know...  And I do have other people in my life.  I have Ron, my kids, a bunch of great friends, and a brother who is awesome; but they will never be the same as my Mom.

Stupid Cancer.

So everyday I try to fill myself with her.  We have meals together, talk about politics or current events, or what stupid thing I just did while we laugh so hard that we cry; and it's not enough.  It will never be enough.  And there's nothing I can do about it.  She has decided to give herself some more time by doing some chemo treatments to slow the cancer down and to help with the side-effects of the cancer that was giving her pain, but the chemo itself is hard on her.  Watching her be strong through this is what motivates me to be a better version of myself each day, but I hate to see her suffer.

Stupid Cancer.

And I hate that my best friend/ favorite sounding board/ confidante/ conscience/ Mom is going to die.  I know that none of us make it out of this life alive, but still.  She's young.  She just celebrated her birthday and finally became a senior citizen by McDonald's senior coffee or soda qualifications.   And she might not get to see too many more birthdays.

Stupid Cancer.

The worst part of all of this is knowing that we aren't the only people going through this.  So today I make a wish and say a prayer for all of the patients fighting this fight that today they get a break and have a day of peace.  And I will continue to pray for a cure so that no one has to go through what my Mom is going through.

Stupid Cancer.

Thanks for letting me vent today.  I will try to get back to more normal posting as my schedule allows.